Jesus stressed the fact that each of us would encounter conflict. Remember his issues with the scribes and Pharisees? He cleansed the temple of the money changers. He once rebuked Peter. He was betrayed by Judas.
Obviously, there are times when conflict is unavoidable. And yet, Jesus told us to steer clear of conflict and offense -- if at all possible. Perhaps you remember His telling His followers to turn the other cheek, to go the second mile, show mercy, love, and forgiveness.
I want to now give you some simple but practical steps to consider when it comes to dealing with conflict.
Allow for some “margin of error.” I mean, give everyone some “wiggle room” to be different or human. We all make mistakes. I remember a song that we use to play for our oldest daughter as she was growing up. It said in part, “Everyone makes mistakes and so do you.” The message was meant to be affirming and positive.
We can still be a worthwhile individual and not be perfect. That was the essence of the Lord’s message about the speck of dust and the beam. He said that we are to get the beam out of our own eye before we get all bent out of shape over the speck of dust in our brother’s eye. In short, we must allow for some margin of error. Don’t demand perfection from someone else if you can’t deliver perfection yourself. Again, quoting Jesus, “let him (her) who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Understand that there are two sides of right. Hold up your hand. What do you see? Fingernails? Knuckles? A diamond on a ring? Now have someone else describe your hand. Let them see only the palm side. Wouldn’t their description be somewhat different than yours? Now, which of the two descriptions is the right one? Both are right. Both sides are simply seeing the hand from a different perspective.
Due to our competitive natures, we have come to think of everything in a win/lose, right/wrong sitting. That isn’t always the case though. Sometimes, in conflict, both sides can be right. We must allow for that possibility. Maybe we simply need to say to the other person, please describe for me your side of the hand.
I have found that even if I am right on an issue, so what? Being right doesn’t mean that I have to proudly drive the point until everyone knows that I am right. Sometimes it is OK to let the other person enjoy a win. No harm done. I hate to admit this, but there have been times when I just knew that I was right only to find out later on that I wasn’t even remotely right on the issue.
We do not have to have every conflict escalate into a war. The Bible advises, Matthew 5:25, “Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late….” Maybe you simply need to agree to disagree and to move on peacefully from there.
Let things cool down. Sometimes we react to quickly to an affront. That can be dangerous. Take some time to think things through. Pray. Seek counsel, if necessary. That way, when and if you respond, you respond without the emotion. Emotion can be good; it can be bad. If the emotion is bad, then it is best to remain quiet for a time. A reasoned calm voice is less likely to get you into trouble. James 1:19, states, “Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” Then too, Proverbs 15:1 adds, “A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.” That’s good.
Be honest with yourself. You are not going to get along with everyone. Again, even Jesus had His enemies. However, if you look around and all you see are enemies, if people seem to purposefully avoid you, if the number one gift you get every Christmas is Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends And Influence People”, then you might be the issue. As Pogo once noted, “We have seen the enemy and he is us.” If I have just described you, then admit it. Seek help. Personalities can and do change. Set out to change yours.
The Redeemed Team
Obviously, there are times when conflict is unavoidable. And yet, Jesus told us to steer clear of conflict and offense -- if at all possible. Perhaps you remember His telling His followers to turn the other cheek, to go the second mile, show mercy, love, and forgiveness.
I want to now give you some simple but practical steps to consider when it comes to dealing with conflict.
Allow for some “margin of error.” I mean, give everyone some “wiggle room” to be different or human. We all make mistakes. I remember a song that we use to play for our oldest daughter as she was growing up. It said in part, “Everyone makes mistakes and so do you.” The message was meant to be affirming and positive.
We can still be a worthwhile individual and not be perfect. That was the essence of the Lord’s message about the speck of dust and the beam. He said that we are to get the beam out of our own eye before we get all bent out of shape over the speck of dust in our brother’s eye. In short, we must allow for some margin of error. Don’t demand perfection from someone else if you can’t deliver perfection yourself. Again, quoting Jesus, “let him (her) who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Understand that there are two sides of right. Hold up your hand. What do you see? Fingernails? Knuckles? A diamond on a ring? Now have someone else describe your hand. Let them see only the palm side. Wouldn’t their description be somewhat different than yours? Now, which of the two descriptions is the right one? Both are right. Both sides are simply seeing the hand from a different perspective.
Due to our competitive natures, we have come to think of everything in a win/lose, right/wrong sitting. That isn’t always the case though. Sometimes, in conflict, both sides can be right. We must allow for that possibility. Maybe we simply need to say to the other person, please describe for me your side of the hand.
I have found that even if I am right on an issue, so what? Being right doesn’t mean that I have to proudly drive the point until everyone knows that I am right. Sometimes it is OK to let the other person enjoy a win. No harm done. I hate to admit this, but there have been times when I just knew that I was right only to find out later on that I wasn’t even remotely right on the issue.
We do not have to have every conflict escalate into a war. The Bible advises, Matthew 5:25, “Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late….” Maybe you simply need to agree to disagree and to move on peacefully from there.
Let things cool down. Sometimes we react to quickly to an affront. That can be dangerous. Take some time to think things through. Pray. Seek counsel, if necessary. That way, when and if you respond, you respond without the emotion. Emotion can be good; it can be bad. If the emotion is bad, then it is best to remain quiet for a time. A reasoned calm voice is less likely to get you into trouble. James 1:19, states, “Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” Then too, Proverbs 15:1 adds, “A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.” That’s good.
Be honest with yourself. You are not going to get along with everyone. Again, even Jesus had His enemies. However, if you look around and all you see are enemies, if people seem to purposefully avoid you, if the number one gift you get every Christmas is Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends And Influence People”, then you might be the issue. As Pogo once noted, “We have seen the enemy and he is us.” If I have just described you, then admit it. Seek help. Personalities can and do change. Set out to change yours.
The Redeemed Team
